Friday, March 13, 2009

March Madness

The month of March. I wish it would "the month of March" on out of my life.

For one thing: Daylight Savings. It's as if the time people got together and said, "What would make children as sleep deprived as their parents?"

And this is what they came up with. Now, it's tearing our family apart. The boys were grumpy over this sleep loss, and now they're all sick. There. Are you happy, Daylight Savings?

Another culprit in their sickness: the changing winds of March. One day, it's 20 below, and the next, 80 degrees. Everybody's like, "Isn't this wonderful?" And I'm like, "Yeah, wonderful for viruses that infect children." People have subsequently stopped asking me rhetorical questions.

Richie, J.J. and most others of the world are sick because of this weather. Friday, I took them to the doctor. While the nurse swabbed Richie for strep, I asked the doctor why the weather change made people sick.

What I love about doctors is they don't make up answers.

When you ask most people this question, they're like, "It's not the temperature change; it's the cold that makes you sick. That's why you call it a cold."

And I'm secretly thinking, "Wow. You totally made that up and I'm totally nodding as if in agreement. This is fun. We should do this more often."

Anyway, I asked Richie's doctor, and he said, "It's because your nostrils act like a temperature regulator. They thin when it's warm and they thicken when it's cold. That quick change makes you susceptible to germs, which are also particular to the weather."

I was like, "Get in my ear, correct answer! You know I've been waitin' for ya!"

It turned out, Richie had strep throat and J.J. had an ear infection. Their doctor prescribed medicine, which ended up being bad news. J.J. had an allergic reaction and has been broken out in hives for two days, even after going off the antibiotic. Now he's on a new antibiotic and benedryl.

We went back to the doctor today and watched "Doctor T.V." for two hours while all the other sickies saw the doctor.

During that time we watched a lady bake a healthy snack--chocolate cupcakes (What?) Then a quiz asked, "What fish can positively alter your mood?"

I guessed salmon, and Johnny said. "I don't think it's salmon because they spend their whole life swimming up a waterfall. Then they die. That's sad."

The answer ended up being salmon, so they have been talking about eating the fish, not thinking about their lives."

Johnny's sick, too, today, so it's 76 degrees outside and the boys are sleeping or zoning out on the couch, either sick, recovering or allergic. Johnny's asleep hugging his football, too sick to go outside, which he's wanted to do all day but can't muster the energy.

I feel so bad for all of them, but I suppose if they were able to go outside, their nostrils would thin and all hell would break lose.

Finally, there's the recession. I can't even look at our portfolio. It's up; it's down. And they're still nickling and diming me. Okay, I got that from a Charles Schwab ad.

The real way the recession is affecting me is the lines are longer at Aldi's now. And cuter. There's a lot of skinny jeans and striped shirts and scarves...on the guys. It's like High School Musical 4 in there. It's great that people have switched to a cheaper store, but for many, I think it's their first time in a grocery store of any kind.

The wife will be like, "Hey, honey, will you grab some bananas?" and the husband's like, "No, they're not ripe." And I'm like, "You know, you can take the food home and wait for it to ripen. You don't have to eat it right this second or anything."

On the plus side, people no longer shop secretly at Aldi's because, now, saving money is cool. Once, I ran into a lady I know in Aldi's and she was like, "I'm just here for the cabbage!" like I'd caught her doing something.

I was like, "I'm just here to spy on people and then tell everybody they're poor. And for the cabbage."

But it's a terrible time to drum up freelance work, let me tell you. Those who formerly would shoot me down don't even email me back anymore. I can't imagine what those who used to not respond are doing. Forwarding my emails to everyone in their address book with "What a Sucker!" added in red? I don't know.

On a positive note, I'm pretty sure I wrote a similar blog last March, minus the recession stuff. It's not the best month for our family, but at least we have St. Patrick's stay home sick during.

Anyway, I hope everybody else's March is fun and your nostril thickness isn't fluctuating that much. Happy St. Patrick's Day!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so funny! First time I've ever heard the nostril thing - why is that such a big secret? Hope the boys are well soon and can enjoy their spring break. Love, Mom

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I'm secretly thinking, "Wow. You totally made that up and I'm totally nodding as if in agreement. This is fun. We should do this more often."

Best Line In Waldo Blog history...
this is the funniest one yet...keep them coming...

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said... continue to crack me up! Thanks for all the laughs in this wonderful economy of ours.

1:27 PM  

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