Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Two Employees

Being the only grownup at home all day gets lonely at times. Sometimes, I actually daydream that I am at work. Richie and J.J. are my co-workers.

They each have their own unique style of work that is typical of employees. J.J. runs around like he has a million things to do but never really accomplishes anything.

Oh, sure, he makes a big show of carrying his lunch plate into the kitchen.

But midway to through the dining room, he drops his plate and walks through the jello, macaroni and pears. He tracks the food into the kitchen, where he grabs a cup of cold coffee from the counter and pours it on his head. Then he opens the refrigerator, takes out the ketchup and throws it against the wall. Finally, he lays down on top of the cat.

I would really like to see what his job description says.

Richie, on the other hand, accomplishes a lot. But to what purpose? At first glance, he is a model employee. Always sitting quietly, doing work at the table.

But soon, you start to ask yourself, What is that guy's job? Everytime I walk by his desk, he is cutting paper into random pieces. Or taping them together and remarking to himself, "Hmm. That's different. That's verrrry different."

Or drawing pictures with a red violet crayon of pointy-fingered gloves. Occassionaly he writes a small "H" on a large piece of paper and says, "There we go."

J.J. has become much more efficient since he hired an assistant, Cher. She's a chair. J.J. takes her everywhere he goes.

He can reach everything now.

Today, I walked into the boys room and a whole container of fish food was spilled on the floor and in J.J.'s drawer of clothes. Cher the chair was there, of course. That's how J.J. reached the food. It looked like a pinch even made it's way into the aquarium.

J.J. came walking into the room.

"What's this?" I asked.

He could have blamed his new assistant. Instead, J.J. stared at me proudly. I knew what he was thinking.

"I'm glad you asked, mom. This is just one example of how I am a self-starter. The fish looked hungry to me, so I fed them."

"Why is the food all over the floor?" I asked.

"I think it's obvious that the floor was hungry, as well. And so were my clothes. You see, for me, initiative is not just something you put on a resume. It's a way of life."

"You're fired," I said. But having know idea what that means, he smiled proudly, as if to say, "You're welcome."


Anonymous Ma said...

The 4 older boys were very entertained by JJ today as he put his face in his bowl of popcorn and then leaned back to swallow it. when he brought the bowl down, it was stuck all over his face and falling out of his mouth. they all laughed , so he poured the rest on the rug, then walked over it and asked for more. I told him to go get his bowl, but he ran off with it and we heard it crash in the other room. they followed him all over laughing at him, as he emptied the refrigerator door onto the floor and table and ran in with the tabasco. when he was through with his lunch, he took a fist full of noodles and dropped them on the kitchen rug. He is such a crack up. Yes, he dragged the chair all over the kitchen looking for snacks. He's such a hungry little fellow!

9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no stopping the man child. He told me he would like to be referred to as Mr. JJ...and he would like a raise.

6:03 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

I have a feeling I am going to be experiencing a very similar situation to yours in less than a years time. Before your a stay-at-home mom you imagine this wonderful, seemingly easy lifestyle. You can't wait to leave the stuffy office with all the gossiping co-workers and the endless hours chained to a desk. Then when you are finally where you thought you wanted to be -home with your baby- you can't help but wonder what is happening at the office and how great it would be to stop singing nursery rhymes and changing diapers for long enough to get a shower in, or take a lunch break and maybe even have an adult conversation. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

10:57 AM  

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