Have you searched New York looking for a Bedazzler?

Poor Johnny...sick with 102 fever. Couch bound. Nothing to do but drink Sprite and watch the Cartoon Network.

Richie, in an act of solidarity, also spent the whole day lying on the couch, watching T.V., experiencing sympathy fatigue and asking for Sprite.

Judging from the ads the network runs, the following people watch Pokimon, Digimon, Power Rangers Mystic Force and The Adventures of Squirrel Boy:

Grownups who are $5,000, $10,000, even $20,000 in debt.

The elderly fan club of the retired surgeon general, who is now the spokesperson for Med-alert.

Young girls who dream of nothing more than to be junior bridesmaids for Barbie and mullet head Ken. (I can tell by his feathered haircut that the marriage is never going to last. The breakup will result in Young Divorce Barbie, her party-girl entourage and Fed-Ex Ken.)

And people who have searched New York city for a Bedazzler, only to learn that there wasn't such a thing...until now.

You know, when my brothers and I were kids, if we wanted to watch T.V. all day, we had to watch reruns of Andy Griffith, One Day at a Time and Sally Jessie Raphael. Now, cartoons are on 24-7...and quality control hasn't kept up.

For instance: Pokemon. Worst acting ever. Would it kill the Japanese to ease up on math and science education long enough to establish a voice over program? How long will America have to carry the world on its shoulders in the child actor department?

They say too much T.V. decreases intelligence. I'm seeing evidence of that already. Richie held up his apple cider and said, out of the blue, "Are you kidding me? This isn't a doughnut."

And I'm considering trying out for Pokemon voice work.

But they also say that watching T.V. requires less energy than doing nothing, which is about all poor Johnny can muster right now.

The other two, on the other hand, are climbing the walls. Richie is talking about Daphne from Scooby Do like she is a family friend: "Daphne is scared of robots."

J.J. is laughing at a joke his potato chip told.

And I am praying for a miraculous recovery. For Johnny of course. And for the rest of us to get out of the house soon. Even the Bedazzler is starting to look exciting. You can use it to bejewel blouses, jeans...even your credit card...