Friday, May 12, 2006

The 5-Year-Old Museum Curator

Johnny, the night owl, was awake while I was working on an article for Star Magazine about free and cheap things to do with your kids this summer in Kansas City.

"I have something," he said.

He was talking about his shell museum, located on a two-tiered table in his bedroom. The collection of shells has now expanded to include rocks and a film festival (in which all movies are written and directed by him.)

He dictated this entry for the article.

"Johnny’s Shell Museum and Rock Collection

You’ll see most of the shells in life coming up to humans. Even waves carry most of the shells up to land to the top of mountains. On the bottom you’ll be digging and work on the hole every day, you’ll get to a whole bunch of lava underground. It’s the deepest part of the world. It’s called the center of the world. You’ll always find millions of shells. There’s 100 shells at my house.

We’ll be selling robots for $2 whenever we start inventing them.

Fun to go with science kids. With babies, keep them away, because they have a little lecture of tiny ones.

Also, we have a little rock collection. They are really cool rocks, especially the smooth ones. Found in Meadowlake Park in the sandbox. Sometimes you see little white ones. Also, some are glowing orange.

Also there’s a movie store. Right when you get there early, you’ll only see two movies. Then I’ll be making more books into movies. First it would only be scary ones like alien adventures and ones of fake gods and especially ones of scary monsters. Rated R, PG, PG-13. And the goodest ones when you get there is the "Cave of Things" and the one about a superhero that had any superpowers called "Anything Man." "King of the Tunnel." "Superbear" is a family of superheros only one day new. And you’ll also see superheroes from the Justice League. You’ll see dinosaurs, animals that have special powers. The Lords of the Evil is the bad guy. He has any superhero powers also. Also has things from Marvel. You’ll see a lot of things. It’s as long as the Bible. You’ll have to watch a little a day, just like the Bible.

If I was the editor, I'd lead with that, but I'm a little biased. As it is, the editor might think I'm trying to cash in on my own story. Also, it's possible that he doesn't speak 5-year-old and wouldn't know what the entry meant.

The problem with children's language is every family has a different dialect. So I'll translate.

"Johnny's Shell Museum

While touring the museum, you'll see 100 shells. One popular activity is digging to the center of the earth, where you'll find hot lava. You'll be treated to a long lecture on how shells reach the top of mountains, and several other science facts.

Science kids will love it, but it is not for babies, who might choke on the small shells.

The rock collection features rare finds from the sandbox, which really should be on the 10 o'clock news they are so unique.

Robots will sell for $2 as soon as my dad takes me to the junk yard to get scrap metal and discarded robot-programmed computer chips.

You'll also get the chance to see several epic-length films, not yet created. Suffice it to say they are as long as the Bible, and in most cases rated PG-13 for scariness.

All this for $1."

If you don't see this entry in the newspaper, be sure to act like you did. It's hard out here for a 5-year-old museum curator and film festival producer, and he needs a little encouragement.


Anonymous mom said...

I've already been to the shell museum, but now I can't wait to go back. I haven't seen many of the rocks and have only read one movie script. On public radio yesterday, a scientist said that you will only become a scientist if your interest is peeked at a young age, maybe 4th or 5th grade. I think Johnny has a great headstart. His entry of 'free [or $1-$2]' things to do this summer for your article was wonderful. And I can't wait to make the first movie and see Denise star as the 1/2 reptile, 1/2 sheep woman!!!!

7:03 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home