Friday, April 28, 2006

People Who Love People II

My mom got me a subscription to People for my birthday and two issues have arrived so far.
The first focused on how Katie Holmes is under Tom Cruise's Scientological power. She's walking around like a zombie, apparently. Um. That's called being pregnant.

But now she's had the baby, so I'm sure Tom has lots of advice from his postpartum days. What, Tom Cruise never went through childbirth? I just assumed that since he was an expert on postpartum that he had a partum. That's wierd.

Actually, I like Tom Cruise. So he's a scientologist with strong opinions. Who isn't? Without hard-headed scientologists, where would we be? There'd be no theory of relativity. No vaccination against polio. No Teflon. No studies that show Teflon is bad for you. Wait a second, those were scientists. But I'm sure scientologists contributed a lot, too.

In the next issue, two mamas and their babies were pictured on the cover. Gwyeneth Paltrow, who looks like a normal person holding her son Moses, and Donald and Melania Trump, who are glaring into the camera, not smiling, holding son Barron against a backdrop of solid gold walls in their penthouse. Melania is wearing a plunging neckline. I mean, when you've just had a baby every neckline looks plunging, but this one more so.

I can just hear their conversation with the photographer.

Donald: Will this scowl scare my apprentices? What about Martha Stewart? Will she be scared?

Melania: Are you getting this cleavage? Is the dress revealing enough?

Photographer: Uh guys. I can't see Barron.

Donald and Melania: Who?

Photographer: The Baby.

Donald and Melania: Oh, right. Right.

You know what I love in People? The interviews with the stars who are just starting to make it. Like Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who plays Eko in Lost. He still remembers sleeping in parks and doing odd jobs that he wasn't that good at to make ends meet. He said he prefers talking to people to signing autographs.

It reminds me that stars are "just like us." This is a regular feature in a different magazine that my brother makes fun of. It pictures the stars going about their business and the captions say things like:

They drink coffee--just like us.
They eat ice cream--just like us.
They snort coke--just like us. (That's the part my brother adds.)

Here's what Superman actor Brandon Routh does just like us. After a long day in the flying harness, he gets a massage and drinks green tea.

But don't tell my son Richie that. As far as he is concerned, Clark Kent relaxes after a tough day at The Daily Globe by tossing about 50 bad guys into outerspace.

Oh, to be young and believe every facade you see is true. The stars always look good, though, don't they? Hollywood must be like the fountain of youth.

Well, I'm taking my People magazines, and more importantly, Baby J.J. Kiss-Love, on a plane today to Denver, where my mom, my aunts and I are visiting my aunt Kathy, who has been sick. So this blog will return Monday. Have a good weekend!

8 Comments:

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Anonymous sarah said...

I refuse to buy People, but watch me sit in the recliner for a couple of hours leafing through a pile of back copies a friend dropped off! Actually, I was glad T. Cruise told B. Shields where to get off because I was sick of hearing about her baby blues. I think she nursed that for all the $$$ she could get! Your article made me laugh, keep it up!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOu call Tom, it's your turn. Supersize that? I don't care what it costs, just bring it 1 home. "Don't come home without it!

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