Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I'd Like to Order the Brushed Twill Surfer Lifestyle, Please

Whenever I get a Pottery Barn catalog in the mail, it's not the Havana sofa or Valencia sleigh bed I want. Nor the Montego pedestal table. Or even the Cara Paisley bedding.

Don't get me wrong. If given the chance, I would buy it all. Even the family photos.

But more than anything, I want the desks. Or rather the job that goes with the desk.

Because as far as I can see, the people who sit at these desks have been hired to:

a. collect sea shells and put them in jars.

b. look at magazines.

c. wait for people to get home from France.

I would excell at all of these professions.

Seriously. One Pottery Barn desk had a calendar hanging above it that said that daughter Peighton had a violin lesson on Thursday. Then nothing until Hunter returned from Paris the following Saturday.

Where were the "Call plumber ASAP!" entries? Or the "7 a.m. deadline" reminders? Or the "Teachers conference: be prepared to discuss Ritalin" sticky notes.

Did the woman who owned that desk simply clear her calendar for the month?

Did she get on the phone with her client and say, "I'm sorry, Ms. Martin. I have to cancel our Friday meeting...Yes, Hunter is flying home from Paris...I'll need to be on standby in case he needs croissants...No, this month won't work at all because, also, my daughter has a violin lesson...I'm totally swamped."

They don't sell the calendars in the catalog anymore, maybe because people were disappointed when theirs became filled with dentist appointments, teacher conferences, business travel, telephone interviews and youth sports.

So now, I just look at the desks and dream of one day owning one just like it.

In this month's catalog, for instance, one desk is lined with yellowing paperbacks. The owner appears to be charged with reading 1970s bestsellers.

Another desk has a surfer's magazine, a map and a photograph of an eagle on it.

Boss: Okay, I need you to surf past an eagle and snap it's photo. Don't forget your map.

Where do you find these jobs?

I'll tell you where. In the Pottery Barn catalogue. Order your surfer lifestyle, complete with a California beach home, today. It costs only 1 billion dollars, which is approximately the same price as the Montego bedroom set.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Joanie said...

You crack me up. I will never look at a Pottery Barn catalog the same again.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous Mom said...

You are so observant!!!! I have never noticed the calendars above the desk, let alone what they have scheduled. But I'll be cking them out from now on! Very cute blog! Congrats on being accepted in the new 'Kansas City Voices'.

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love that you would by the "frame complete with family photo"...i always look at the calnedars too and sing, "that'll never be me, that'll never be me..NEVER, EVER, so don't you even think it" (remember Say Anything??) great blog!
erin

12:15 PM  

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