Sunday, June 04, 2006


Richie, 3, is in his own world. If you've ever had or been a three year old, then you're familiar with this Land.

It's the kind of place where you have conversations like this:

Johnny: Why do people cry at weddings?

Me: Well, they're just so happy that they cry. And they're also a little sad because the people are all grown up.

Richie: But I have a red coat.

The other day, I put on a pair of sandals for a party, and Richie said, "Those are delicious."

I was singing the popular song, "I Had a Bad Day," and he said, "But you look good."

Keep in mind that in Three Year Old Land, your mom or dad is also your fiance.

In fact, Richie asked the other day, "Am I getting married or not?"

It was as if he had no idea if he was supposed to be standing on the altar or drinking a juice box or what the heck his agenda was.

After I explained to him that all that was a long way off, he hugged me dramatically and said, "Let's get married right now."

Yesterday, I told him he could watch his Batman video tomorrow and he argued, "Today is tommorow. Tomorrow is right now."

Which sounds a little like a bumper sticker slogan, come to think of it.

I thought it would be helpful, for those of you who have a three year old in your life, to translate some words from this special world.

Boxers: Suitable men's outerwear for going to the zoo, a friend's house, church, etc.

Booty in the Butt: An all-purpose chant used for situations such as: you've just thrown cake across the table and want to kick things up a notch before getting hauled into time out.

Butt in the Pants: The mother of all bad words. The kind of thing mothers shield their children's eyes from when it's spraypainted on something.

Pantsy Pants: A nice alternative to Butt in the Pants.

Bubble Bottom: Technically, this is what happens when your swimtrunks balloon while you're swimming. However it can also be a terrible insult. Or a playful nickname. Or a battle cry before chasing the joker or catwoman. Or a converation starter while eating hotdogs at the kids' table. It can mean anything really. It's just fun to say.

Even: A word added at the end of sentences to emphasize that you're telling the truth, particularly if you're lying. Example: "But I am 5 years old. I'm older than Johnny. I am. Even."

Uh Oh, Mommy: What you say when you've just spilled an entire gallon of milk minutes before it's time to walk out the door.

Hero saves the day!: Something to yell a few times a day to remind everyone that all is right in the world. Batman always gets the bad guy. The nerdy Peter Parker always leaves his beloved science courses to fight for the greater good. Superman always rescues Lois Lane in time (or, if not, flies around the world real fast to turn back time.) And you, wearing your batman mask and cape, are their ace in the hole. The kid they call to congradulate on going peepee in the potty. The one whose birthday party they want to go to. One day, they'll land in your yard and ask for your help saving the world. And you'll be ready, yelling this phrase (and "Bubble Bottom!") as your tiny 3-year-old self lifts off into the sky.


Anonymous ma said...

What a little doll he is. We were laughing last night about he and tommy wanting to get an apartment together. They found one in the apartment guide with a pool and said "This is ours".

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Dad said...

Beets, excellent bloggerspeak. But on a recent one, I may be a little sensitive, but you seemed to be saying that one of our colorado cars had no AC. I know I needn';t remind you that windows are the highest form of air-conditioning!! Keep up the great work!!

12:06 PM  
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