Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Has the Whole World Gone Crazy? Or Is it Just Me?

Lately, I've found myself on the Abby side of the Dear Abby column and on the mannerly side of Miss Manners. It's like the rest of the world has gone crazy.

This is a strange feeling for me. Usually, I get the sinking sensation that the whole world has gone sane.

I won't go into everything that's happened, but here are a couple things:

I was walking over to the school the other day when a man I know said, "I was noticing that your yard looks terrible. The grass is real long and there are a bunch of dandelions."

The wierd thing was that he said it at a red light. So after I said, "Thank you for pointing that out," he had to stand there in awkward silence and then walk over to the school trying to start an even more awkward conversation.

"Your yard looks terrible." You don't lead with that. You save your rude comments for the end of the conversation, like this:

"Blah blah blah...Oh, look at that. Another red light. I always get stopped at red lights."

"Me, too."

"Isn't it a nice day?"


"Well, here we are at school. In closing, I would like to say that your yard is horrendous and your weeds are a disgrace. Good day and good ridance!"

See, that's much more dramatic. Even I know that. And I don't care if people have carnivorous plants growing in their yard so long as the humans in the house act polite.

Then I took J.J. to the doctor because he had a bad cough. It was a substitute doctor--not his real one. Anyway, he is afraid of doctors and cried the whole time.

First the doctor said to him, "If you stop crying your mom is going to take you to McDonald's and get you French fries and a choo choo train."

McDonald's wasn't even serving lunch yet and they never give away trains!

When that didn't work, she said, "Do you want me to give you a shot?! If you don't stop crying, I'll give you a shot."

So J.J. turned to her and said, "Let's be honest, Doc. If I don't stop crying, all you're gonna do is make more empty threats and promises. Am I right? Or am I right? Or am I right."

I'm kidding, of course. J.J. doesn't even talk, let alone talk smack. But he was thinking it. I just know it.

And trust me, those things aren't even the half of it.

You know, I usually feel like I dance to the beat of my own drummer. But now, I feel like I'm in step with the normal people. I feel like I'm on the left side of the insan-o-meter.

Or are the normal people the ones who will stop at nothing to stamp out dandelions or convince children to stop crying? Well, I guess we all have our opinions about who is normal or who is crazy. The important thing is to keep your sense of humor. Because in reality, I think we're all a little of both.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, these doctors are getting younger each day. What was she, 12? I always wish I could be clever enough to think of a quick zing back to ignorant people. I always seem to think of something the next day, which just aggravates me more. I would want to say to JJ after the remark about MacDonalds: The nice Doctor here is going to cough up the $30 for our lunch and our visit to the toy store for the train she promised you. And to the nice gentleman about the dandelions: Haven't you heard about global warming and the need for all of us to do our part in going green? And the cost of gas for our lawnmower is almost as much as my mortgage. We need to be more concientous in these difficult economic times. But if it truly bothers you that much you are more than welcome to bring your lawnmower over and cut it yourself!
P.S. I would steer clear of that doctor, at least until she turns 13!

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to leave that insane Dr. I can't believe her shot threat. I would have walked out [I say that now!} Always remember 'it's what's inside that counts!' He needs to peek in at the fam inside!!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Waldo Oiseau said...

Just tell your neighbors that you are making changes in your life to reduce your carbon footprint, and that while it's difficult for you, too, to have to gaze at your overgrown lawn, you suck it up for the benefit of the planet.

Regarding dandelions, they are just easy-to-grow flowers. If we could just embrace them, we'd all be happier. :)

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just snorted out loud w/ laughter! what a jack-ass...the both of them!!!

11:37 AM  

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