Are You a Boy? Take this Quiz and Find Out

You might be sitting at your desk, thinking, "Who am I? What am I? Why am I?" Here is a simple test to narrow that down a bit. This will help you find out whether or not you are a boy of five years old or younger.

1. When you see earthworms, do you...

a. Leave them be. They're good for the garden.
b. Pick them up, look them in the face and say, "Your head looks like your butt" and laugh.
c. Put them in your hair, like Medusa, walk into the kitchen and scream, "Moooom! Moooom! Come see something. You're really going to like it."

2. When you woke up today, you decided to wear...

a. Spiderman boxers and nothing else. You spent the rest of the day telling everyone, "They're not underpants. They're shorts."
b. A sweatsuit and cowboy boots.
c. A suit and tie.

3. What do you do to help get ready for a party?

a. Make a salad.
b. Whiten your teeth.
c. Track mud through the house on your way to the bathroom, where you wipe the dirt off your hands with wet toilet paper, clogging the drain. (Then go potty, completely missing the toilet and not feeling at all embarrassed about that. You were just aiming for the general vicinity of the toilet, anyway. So yeah for you. You did it!)

4. Which of the following sentences do you burp during?

a. "We're eating oranges, grapes and aahhrg-ples."
b. "I just burped when I said thaahhrg-t."
c. "I just burped ag-aahhrg."

5. What does it mean when your mom says, "Stop wrestling with your brother"?

a. What does what mean?
b. What?
c. Nothing. It's just words strung together at random.
d. I'm sorry. I don't speak English. Could you repeat that in another language, please?
e. It means she doesn't let us have fun. It's not too rough. It's so much---Oww. Johnny hurt my elbow! He's playing too rough!
f. All of the above.

6. How do you eat your food?

a. With utensils.
b. While running around the house because I can't sit still for five minutes.
c. Look. No hands!

7. What is on your shirt right now?

a. Pin stripes.
b. I Believe!
c. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a Half Shell. Turtle power.
d. Mud, algae and insect legs.

8. What organizations do you belong to?

a. The Knights of Columbus.
b. A book club.
c. A union.
d. The Justice League, Teen Titans and Spiderman and Friends.

9. What do you have on your desk?

a. Pencil, pen, stapler, staple remover, papers.
b. Sword, sword, alligator, crocodile, victims of reptile attacks.

10. What is the last book you read?

a. The DaVinci code.
b. Pride and Prejudice..
c. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Every Animal on Earth.
d. Robin: The Tears of a Clone. Yes. Comics are books. That's why they're called comic books.

11. How many gifts did you give today?

a. Why? Was it somebody's birthday? My anniversary? What did I forget?
b. One. My presence is your present.
c. 100. But don't worry. They'll grow back tomorrow. Dandelions grow really, really fast.

Score:
1. a: 0, b: 1 and c: 2.
2. a: 2, b: 1 and c: 0.
3. a: 0, b: 1 and c: 2.
4. a: 1, b: 2 and c: 3.
5. 5 points for any answer.
6. Randomly give yourself a billion points.
7. Make that a pillion. (5 pillion if your shirt says "I Believe!"
8. Declare yourself the winner.
9. Make that king of the whole world!
10. Tackle the kid who just said that.
11. Clear the stapler/alligator, paper/victim and pencil/sword off your desk and find your nearest baseball home opener--because there's a five year old boy or tomboy in all of us. (Go Royals!)